Monday, September 16, 2013

Herald of Wisdom

I have decided to become more regular with writing. Not because I want to keep in touch with the wannabe writer in me, or because I want to seem erudite and voice my opinion vociferously about the political scenario or important aspects gripping the nation, city, town or my neighbour's balcony. I'm writing because it occurred to me, that the only way to chronicle some part of my life is by writing now, so I don't suddenly find myself being a whiny 47 year old cat lady unsure of how I got there.

The reason I'm writing this entry is to make a sequel of 'It took me 21 years to get this'. Now, four years hence and all the wiser (not!), I have come up with a brand new set of whirls of wisdom. Read, ponder and repeat...the entry, I mean.

1. Don't balance a bowl of mushy food while carrying a toddler. I have learnt this the hard way thanks to my beloved niece and nephew who could put the most accredited theater actors to shame when it comes to being dramatic. Heavens forbid they be in a bad mood, and decide to flip the second-only-to-holy-chalice, brace yourself for a shower of lumpy warm food and a child who can double the mess in a matter of seconds by helpfully rubbing it in your face. Literally.

2. Don't ask women for road directions... Unless you're fond of going for long drives you never intended going on. And certainly not if you don't appreciate navigating through narrow gullies that don't really have a point in existing. I have contributed generously to our government and the oil companies in the middle east and have understood that I can display my pride in being a woman and seeking help of another, in other ways than being led into taking a road trip without my consent.

3. Ensure your niece/nephew/child is with you before you begin cooing. It does not bode well to baby talk in front of an aquarium of a mall about the body parts of "fishies", when the child in question has wandered off. And do not forget to stop addressing yourself in third person with the suffix of a 'masi' (aunt) while talking to full grown adults.

4. Do not trust a car in the hands of someone who is just about eligible to vote. Also, the dash board is a precious, precious part of the car that is highly underrated. This piece of advice is for anyone out there who has had the misfortune of sitting in, and the good fortune of emerging out alive, of a car driven by an eighteen year old. You can however count on the sturdy dash board that will be with you in (car)sickness and (mental ill) health, and happiness (at a traffic signal) and horror (of a free way).

5. Don't buy toys that are sound sensitive. It is not a good idea to watch scary movies about possessed dolls and then merrily invest in toys that go off on their own while you're tip toeing to the kitchen for a mid night snack and manage to stub your toe noisily. I have no idea what the makers had in mind but I'm sure scaring the bejesus out of a harried peckish aunt was not on their agenda when they tuned the doll to sing 'Mary had a little lamp' in the dead of the night.