If I were to ask which your favourite
movie was, on friendship, I'm willing to bet that 9/10 of you will come up with
names of films that either dealt with a bunch of guys who took on challenges
for their country; Or went on a holiday to Spain/Goa, or a college-friendship-turned-love-story
or finally, that yesteryear movie with two guys on a side car scooter.
If you're in the 1/10 category, yes, to be fair, there have been movies
about girls and their friendships, but they've more often than not, been veiled
under layers of Dolce and Gabbana and Maybelline or had an underlying social
message about being wronged by the male sex. Just how many movies give us a
real idea of what female friendships embody? (No not lesbian, just pure strong
friendship between girls.)
For the longest time, we've been fed rubbish about "Aurat hi aurat
ki sabse badi dushman hai" (A woman is a woman's worst enemy) and it irks
me no end when our friendships are spoken of in the past tense once a girl gets
married and leaves. I know FB posts have probably gone overboard with their
portrayal of everything a girl has to do for society, (men?) but my argument
here is why our friendships are so underplayed and why are our equations and
ties with the girls we love most expected to take the natural course of "...but
that's how it is".
One of my closest friends got married recently and as happy as I was for
her, my heart ached at the thought of her moving cities to live with her
husband and in-laws. Another childhood friend of mine can't make it for my wedding (Yeah, there'll be a whole
other post delving into that subject) because of familial pressure due to the
timing. In both cases, it took two more girl pals of mine to 1) Cry with me, on
the night of the Sangeet about how we'd deal with life without our common
bestie and 2) Explain that the poor friend in question is torn between her
family and me and it's not fair to hold her at ransom for it.
Maybe the point of my post is to give you, my dear readers, an idea of
my understanding of what long standing deep friendships between girls stand
for. Or maybe (because of everything that it's portrayed to be) ... tell you
what they DON'T stand for.
They're not about sexy pillow fights on sleepovers: Yeah, sorry to shatter the illusion. We don't wear skimpy things to bed
either. We're usually dressed in baggy pyjamas, loose t-shirts and all we do is
binge eat. And belch.
They're not about taking duck-face selfies: Hell no. Even if we've been guilty of trying to do a pout, we fail so
miserably that the next few selfies are blurred from the phone shaking so much
while laughing.
They're not about excessive PDA: Except for a casual
hug when we meet, girls do not blow kisses to each other. (Unless they're
making fun of people who do)
They're not about shopping: This has got to be a
huge myth buster. Yes girls shop and yes they like it, but strong friendships
(I don't believe) have been built on cooing about the latest discount sale at
Mango.
They're not about bonding over boys: Of course not. Just like there's a bro code, we have a woe code. Men
cause us woes and we don't like getting our love lives tangled in our
friendships. (Disclaimer: Cat fights over boys usually happen in movies.)
And lastly, they're not about being politically correct: We call each other out if we're doing something exceptionally dumb, but
join in the fray if it’s within the limits of acceptable stupidity. We also use
expletives to address one another. None of those saccharine sweet nicknames. We
reserve those for our gold fish, puppy, or boy friends'.
So maybe our world isn't ready for full blown female friendships where
the men in our lives work around our social circle (of forming cliques with our
friends’ husbands') but I hope to live to a time when they do... I'd like
to end this post with one of my favourite quotes on friendship. "Nothing
lasts forever. Dreams change, trends come and go, but friendships...They never
go out of style."
Here's hoping every girl out there be blessed with buddies she's willing
to die for because the best lesson this relationship can teach is that if you
want a friend, you have to be one first.
