Along came Anvi :)

       It may be a year and a half since my lil niece was born.... but I remember events leading up to that day as clearly like they happened yesterday... Coming to think of it, a lot was happening in my life around that time, but some events stand out more distinctly than others. Like the day before she came into this world.
   
      I was getting ready for college and hadn't the slightest idea that that day was the eve of a life changing event. I woke up at the usual, but (of all days) I'd spent an hour talking to a friend in the morning. As a result, I rushed out pretty late. I remember which street I was driving on when I my phone buzzed. It was from home and my other sister informed me of my eldest sister being driven to the hospital right then. The baby was expected soon. I pulled over to the side of the road and cried.

    I distinctly remember which classes I had that day. Not much of what was being taught, of course, but I remember staring out of  the window whilst sitting in class and thinking of how different our lives were about to become... I left college early because I didn't want to miss being there...
   I got home sooner than usual, and to my absolute surprise I saw my eldest sister sitting serenely in our living room (instead of in a hospital room as I'd imagined she'd be) in the company of a couple of neighbours and a family friend. They may have come just to wish her luck, or as is in our Indian tradition, they came to give her gifts and wish her well with the baby... The rest of the evening was a bit of a blur. The guests left, we had dinner and then every half hour or so we were subject to my sister going in and out of what I later came to understand as contractions.
That night my brother-in-law and mother were constantly over the phone with my sister's doctor. I of course steered clear of anyone that either had a baby bump or a phone stuck to their ear listening to instructions. I may have gone to bed around 11, I'm not sure... I slept on the couch that day because we were accommodating more people than usual. At around 4.30 a.m, I was awoken by the sounds of people scuffling around and opened my eyes to see my sister waddle out with my mother and brother-in-law in tow. It's not everyday that someone wakes up to be a first-time-aunt...

I don't need to mention that I couldn't sleep a wink after that. In fact, neither could my dad, my other sister, or the old relative at home. So we decided to get dressed and visit my sister in the hospital.
I'm not the sort that takes long to get dressed, but even I managed to set myself a record of being ready in a matter of minutes... I don't know what we thought by arriving at the hospital maybe an hour after my sister was admitted. I probably thought the kid would be delivered and would look as cute as the babies in diaper ads. Wrong, On both counts.
My sister, we were told was very much in labour and we were asked in no uncertain terms to bugger off and be back when the child was actually born. Having nothing better to do at 6 a.m, we left for breakfast and then home. My mother promised to call us at 10 a.m to tell us the of the status quo. The baby would most probably be out by then, she said.

The rest of us meanwhile, reached home. I informed my classmates of my taking the day off and decided to take a nap seeing as how there was nothing to do but wait. I set the alarm for 10 a.m and miraculously woke 5 minutes before it went off.
    It so happens, that the day my niece was born, also happened to be the day we seniors (at university) were throwing the juniors a welcome party. And as (ill) luck would have it, I was set to compere the event.
By 11 am, there was still no news from my mother so I thought I'd go the beauty palour and get spruced a bit. (There was full chance of my sister having the baby on the next day, and if that was the case, I could not chicken out from attending the party. Well, turns out I couldn't chicken out in any case, because I did end up finally going, but oh well)
I returned around 12 pm and still no news. I was getting my clothes together for that evening's party when my dad's phone rang. My sister and dad were presumably in the same room and there was a whoop of joy. I entered the room and beaming, Papa handed me the phone.

"Congratulations Ashe, you're an aunt to a healthy baby girl" an exhausted young mother said.

The gamut of emotions were immense. I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. Being treated as the baby of the house for 23 long years was finally up. Now there was someone who I would lovingly pass on the mantle to.
Anvika looked every bit a shriveled bundle of baby, when I first set eyes on her. A thick mop of hair, alert eyes, and translucent skin. That's how I remember my baby niece a few hours after she was born. I can't say I thought she was the most beautiful baby et al, because she wasn't. Yet, when I did look at her and it actually sunk in that that little being was my sister's baby, I felt my eyes get moist.

Turning an aunt is a one of a kind experience. You're close enough to feel the full impact of welcoming a new being into the world, but far away enough to not be woken up for 3 a.m diaper changes. All in all, I think being an aunt is the most fun of all the equations one can have with the child (at least till they can be called that) You have all the energy in the world to monkey around, yet you don't have to be responsible for feed and sleep timings. I love being an aunt. I became one for the second time round this year, and feel almost completely comfortable around babies now. (At least I'm not scared of them anymore!) .... To this day, I look back fondly on August 12th 2011. It was the day that set the precedent for how things would be for the rest of our lives and what changed the dynamics at home completely. 

Would happily like to miss the boat...!

   Turning 24 had not been the most joyous occasion. I mean, for all intents and purposes I AM glad that I'm a year wiser, smarter and yada yada yada, but when you're a 24 year old unmarried girl in a house that would like to see their daughters married, (if not betrothed by this age) it kind of umm, spells trouble. But wait, by trouble, I don't mean like full fledged let's-get-our-daughter-married-to-the-next-Mr.Money bags trouble, but the lets-set-our-daughter-up-so-she'll-willingly-get-married-to-some Mr.Nice kind of trouble.

Now, as thoughtful as that it is, that my family wants to look out for me so much, it's not in the least bit amusing when you're dressed in your prettiest best making a lame conversation with a guy you don't know from adams. Worse still, is to have your folks (and the guys folks) listen in on the conversation, and pretend to not take note of every breath you take (Sort of puts Sting's song in perspective) ...So anyway, meeting with the guy, making small talk with his mother and sister, laughing at jokes I'd otherwise never crack a smile at, made me go into a sort of reverie after the whole (or)deal was over.


The very concept of arranged marriages, (till one is faced with it is oneself) is something we've all been brought up to accept as the norm in our society. But the problem lies is suddenly coming face to face with the idea that you're going to be spend the rest of your (un)blessed life with a guy you hardly know. Well of course, there's the oft used "But you can get to know each other before" and the like, but who decides how much we know of each other before we tie the knot?!!

Some how, I managed to convince my parents to allow me to look for "My Mister Right" on my own. I therefore signed up with one of the leading matrimonial sites of our country, and if I thought I was perturbed enough by the wrong sort in the real world... Boy, nothing had me prepared for what lay ahead in the virtual world!! ... These are some excerpts from profiles I've been sent alerts from, or by innocent individuals whose profiles I came across while looking for "my soul mate".
I don't mean to offend anyone with the bylines and God forbid you're one of the people with some of the horrendous descriptions given below. As for the rest: This is what you go through when you take your parents seriously by listening to them and not talking to boys enough. You end up having to sift through this!!!


"i am mera prabhu from india i know about myself

i want afair giral and brilliant"

(af(f)air giral? He doesn't need THIS website for a fling, surely?! )

"very cool and hot, want my partner help me in every matter...."
( What is he describing, the Hyderabadi weather?:P)

"i am a simple man want a wife i can do anything to want so i want want"
(....... And I want to want out!!)

"i like simple gujrati girls...... who loves me only........."
( Umm. How many does he want to marry?? )

"hi i am gaurav yadav i am teacher in computer software you meet me bay"
(Looks like someone has to enroll themselves in some etiquette classes)

" I AM VERY SILENT PERSON IN THE WORLD I THINK I AM IN THE"
(In the..? Process of not traumatizing us with the details, thankfully!)

"I AM VERY SIMPLE BOYS LOVE MY PARENT AND NAVER WHAT TO CHANGE MY SELF. I AM LOOKING FOR WHO CAN UNDERSTAND MY FELLING AND I ALSO."
( I think he suffers from multiple personality disorder. Don't you FELL the same way?)

"i am best friend of my partner"
(... He's found her already?!)

"I am very entaligans and my incame one laks my parsonal campany technical jobs"
( Uhh, he 'incame' and I'm 'out-going' )

"hi i am gauri. shankar this is samat Girls nda beutifull"
( I'm confused. Is he a girl or a guy and What is he describing?!!)

"I like a beautyfull girl & charming face.
This girl is working in a office."
( Looks like he knows where she works. He should call her sometime. )

"likes: pet, dating, tourism.. etc
dislikes: dose who criticizes the behind."
(Whose behind??!!)))))


"She should be fair and smart and without spectacles, without veesing problems."
( .... I don't think he'll get what he wants in the 'veesing' department. Anyone who takes a look at his photo won't stop wheezing. The horror!)

"who do wrong means wrong"
( And you did wrong in putting up your profile, buddy)

Things are difficult and Impossible before YOU meet me. Will you do marriage to me?
( I think not. Don't be difficult and impossible by even asking that..!!)

"Hi I am satya im looking for a girl who is carrying and understand my feelings."

(Carrying. Already?? I didn't know they came that progressive!)

Your attention please... Not!

  Seeing as how I was going from pillar to post for any job interview, it didn't come as a surprise to my folks when I grandly announced I wanted to give being an air-hostess a shot. I'd been coming up with random professions now and then, so they presumed this was one of those bouts of madness that would soon pass, once the initial rush of doing something "glamorous" wore off... But it didn't. To this day I have no idea what made me even sign up for the interview, but I'd like to put it down as the things one has to attempt at doing, at least once in their lifetime.
    I went shopping for a formal skirt, shirt and stockings, I watched videos on how to wear one's hair in an elegant bun and I got a full manicure and pedicure done. I was all preened for the 'photo session' of sorts so they'd see a full length me before they encountered the real hulk-of-a-figure me.
   I breezed into the office with my Mommy dearest (yes I've taken my mum to a job interview!) and went into the allocated waiting room. I entered, and it hit me.... A multitude of perfume scents hit me. The room had about 10 girls, dressed in smart itty-bitty formal skirts that made mine look like an open umbrella in comparison. They all came in various shapes, but one size. Zero.
     All waif like, extremely made up (they even knew the names of the brushes with which they kept reapplying make up) and quite nervous. I struck up a conversation with one pretty young thing, just fresh out of high school and she launched off on an essay she knew by rote about our country. I was beginning to fret about not having a patriotic speech myself (to serve what end, I'm not sure) when my name was called out for the interview.
    I just about managed to stand up in heels (that made me reach almost 6 feet) and swayed dangerously because my center of gravity changed. It's a wonder how I reached the other room without falling. (I tend to specialize in doing that, especially at places where I go to give interviews) On going inside, I faced a bored but heavily made up lady who at first didn't acknowledge me. It must've taken a lot to do that, because at the risk of sounding immodest, I'm not the kind that one can easily look through. I can assure you I probably have a two digit number before the zero of size zero. People cannot even pretend to skim over my head because they'd have to end up looking at the fan if they did. So after about 2 minutes of looking in every direction save mine, she smiled and gestured for me to sit down.
    Her opening question, about why I wanted to join the airline didn't take me by surprise. I went off into a soliloquy about why I thought it was one of the best in the industry, 'cause it catered to the needs of the consumers while being economically sound and also provided the best facilities second to none though it was started barely a decade ago by a spirited group of entrepreneurs and that the airline had raked in profits faster than.... She gave me a glassy stare much like the look you perhaps have on reading all this. I stopped mid sentence much to her relief (and mine, because I didn't know where I was headed with all the amassed information from Wikipedia) She quickly stated that they'd call me if I'd been selected and concluded the interview.
     Turns out, I didn't make the cut because I was too, umm, "heavy" for the job. I think there's a reason they choose girls who weigh a few milligrams more than an airbag. It's so the airline's assured of the planes taking off lest they can't be airborne, because of crew that might hinder the process!
     I can't say I was let down about it, because I know I wouldn't be happy in a place where I'd only worry about the bristles of 'Shadow large' or 'Flat top small' getting tangled. Or a place where I'd eat an almond a day and feel fat. And most of all in a work environment where I cannot talk or discuss ideas, however obtuse, without being given the glassy eyed stare for it.

Attending Blessed Interviews.

That's it! I've had it with attending annoying job interviews! It's irritating to have to go say the same things over and over to a new set of people and be over-enthusiastic (about their company, like it's what you were born to do) zealous (about feeding in complaint forms all day), and convinced one can make a significant contribution to whatever the hell one's supposed to contribute to and be genuine about it. In the last 4 months, I may have attended half a dozen interviews and each has been worse and the outcomes more dreadful than the previous ones.
      First off, I have a major axe to grind with these Corporate companies. EVERYTHING about them is so intimidating, beginning from the phone interview each insists on. I know, and the person on the other side knows that we'd both be comfortable if we spoke in a language that doesn't scream 'Oh-we're-so-erudite'!!
      So yeah, maybe they work for a foreign firm, but does one HAVE to have a clipped accent and make use of words like 'proliferation', 'impediment' and 'furtherance'?!! What am I, a dictionary?! Till I figure the word going by the context, I've lost sight of the question. And asking them to repeat themselves is another sin! It's all very well in theory to ask them to please go over it again, but if you do it in practice, they're already putting you down for a retard.
     Then it's dealing with the volley of questions. They can range from the older-than-the-pyramids kind of questions like 'Can you tell us something about yourself?" to stuff that's as random as "How many barbers do you reckon there are in this city?"... Well, seeing as how I did NOT work in the Barber-shops counting industry, I couldn't really help my interviewer.
      Then there's also the dressing well, and ensuring that the posture in which you sit, shows just the right degree of eagerness. Too much, and your salary gets non-negotiable, too little and : "You're qualifications are impressive but we don't have an opening for your profile at the moment"
       I think going for an interview and emerging victorious is a dying art (It was pronounced brought dead in my case) But I'm not going to give up. So long as there are people who call me to their offices and get my expert opinion on how many bales of hair barber shops get rid of in a day, I'm going to find plenty use of my time.