R**e of the Language!

Keshav. He's 11 years old but is "running on too-val" (read:12)... He enjoys studying Science and Math but thinks of English as a subject that's "some-sometimes difficult". He likes to "see T.V" and loves playing "ice spice" (read: I spy) How do I know so much about this lil kid whose a Science wiz but whose English makes one want to visit a shrink as often as one can?... He comes to me for "too-tion". Okay, maybe I'll owe him an apology after I get done writing, but I really don't mean to be evil in the way I put it. For the last two and a half months, I've been tutoring this sweet chubby little boy. Initially, we both suffered. Me in trying to explain the technicalities of grammar, and him in trying to grasp them. I'll have to admit that English as a language can get a little complex at times, but then which subject doesn't? The thing that sets it apart is that it doesn't work on formulae and sometimes, rules bend. It's in trying to explain things like these to the child that I was beginning to lose hair (not like I've a thick mop to brag of, in the first place!). Anyway, we've come a long way from using sign language and I don't open and close my mouth just taking in gulps of air in trying to make him learn the tenses anymore. We've reached an understanding. When I talk, he listens and when he talks, I don't. But poor Keshav isn't the only one I intend attacking with regard to English. There was this one time my mother and I went to a place of worship and wanted to know where we could wash our hands. "Please go to the backside" we were told. "There is clean water 'av-lay-ble' there"(!!) Then another time, I was taking a look at trinkets in a dingy shop when I caught sight of the list of items they had on display. Here goes: They had 'necklesses', 'bangels' yearrings' and clothes for 'ladis and kides'.... Oh dear, no wonder the shop wasn't doing roaring business. My sister who's English faculty at one of the reputed colleges in the city has a different story to tell even of the 'educated' folk. Here are some snippets from the essays she's received. --> Terrorists keep firing people and they always like to have a blast. --> When Bill Clinton arrived in India, the hospitalization we provided him was wonderful. --> Compared to Pakistan, India is a very love making country. And it doesn't end there. The next one’s a gem. She told us of a brilliant student who was rejected in the final round of his interview. The reason? He was asked the following question by a female interviewee. “ Where do you see yourself 5 years from now?” she asked. In all seriousness, the gold medallist replied “On top of you ma’am.” And all they tell you in school is that you need good grades! *rolls eyes*